circle back vol. 6
Fear not, we’re defining our decade
Happy July -- it’s been a while, we know. Here’s what you missed since we last circled back: Ilana galavantated across the Western part of our country, sleeping under the stars and hiking through canyons. Sylvie stayed within a stone’s-throw of Brooklyn, but has surely been eating some great food. We’ve reunited, we’ve separated, we’ve seen friends. Let’s face it, we’ve been kind of OTG...BUT we’re back1, and excited to reunite with your inbox over more good ol’ fun and frantic content. Today, we circle back on fear, sorta.
P.S. If you have something you’d like for us to ~circle back~ on, questions for us about your *fabulous* lives, or requests for specific subject matter, drop us a line!
IC - A some-what stream of consciousness about closet (and transition) anxiety
This week’s Circle Back prompted something I never thought I would do: post a TikTok. Feel free to just watch2 and skip through to our links list because basically the 5 second video says it all: fun shirts.
Not long ago after a successful shopping afternoon where I purchased not one, but two short sleeve camp collars I felt a deep lack of inspiration when clearing hanger space to accommodate the button ups. Suddenly, my whole closet appeared a mess of patterned co-ords, Hawaiian-inspired shirts, bright silk bottoms, slinky tops. What the fuck. How did I get here?! I must have audibly gasped or sighed because Noah suggested I make a moodboard3 to envision how to transform my bursting closet into something that resembled a cohesive-ish style.
So began my evening of ‘intentional’ scrolling past influencers, brands, and friends in search of looks that I could possibly assemble.4 I organized it all into a neat little grid that is not so coincidentally the size of a desktop backdrop5 because maybe if I stare at it everyday inspiration will strike!
Inspiration has not struck. The promise of moodboarding quickly subsided when it failed to match my motivation for dressing “cool.” The truth is, I don’t think this closet quandary has much to do with my closet and how I dress and more to do with, defining, more broadly, who I want to be. I’m avoiding my new .edu email much like I’m avoiding branching out within my wardrobe. I don’t know how to ‘find myself,’ largely because I don’t know how to say, or dress for, who I am. Part of the problem, I think, is fear, which is taking many shapes right now. I fear that my summer of fun-employment will have to end.6 I [irrationally] fear that if I don't dress for who I want to be, then I won’t become that person. I fear that I’ll be many steps behind my grad school cohort. I fear that I’ll drown in loans even before the semester is over. I fear new social situations, because how do you make friends again? Ugh, maybe those New Balances are a good way to start ;)
SF - Is this my decade? Did I just define my decade?
A week before I turned 25, I was talking to my therapist about a fear I have that someone is going to break into my house when I’m sleeping and murder me. She asked if I’d known anyone to whom that had happened. I said obviously not, that’s what makes it irrational. “But I’m almost 25, like shouldn’t I be over this by now?” I pleaded. “When will I get over this shit!?”
I’ve always been an adrenaline-junkie wannabe, but I’ve never had the urge to jump out of a plane with a parachute strapped to my back, heck, I won’t even go water-tubing unless the person riding with me promises to fall off at the exact moment I do. I’ve always let a voice of fear speak louder than the butterflies we glorify as stress induced endorphins.
A few days after my birthday, a stranger I met at a BBQ told me they had just started a book and I might enjoy it. “It’s all about your 20s,” a 40-something told this 20-something. I downloaded it as an audio book for our long drive back home. “The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter--And How to Make the Most of Them Now” is a book by Meg Jay. It’s as super low-key, chill, not-at-all dramatic discussion about how formative your 20-something years are to the rest of your life, and the importance of not fucking them up. Matt made me turn it off before the intro was done,7 but I spent the next week half-listening to it on my daily walks. Here are some quick fun facts that our girl Meg throws at us throughout the book:
80% of life's most defining moments have taken place by the age of 358
Your personality changes more during your 20s than any other time in your life9
Female fertility will peak at 28 and get tricky at 3510
“You’re deciding your life right now.”11
I thought the book had an almost opposite effect on me as it was intended to. Every time I paused her little voice in my airpods, I thought, if this decade is defining my life, I’ve gotta get out more. I have to be more spontaneous— Plan less, eat more, run more, drink more. Start putting together the pieces of who I want to be, irrational fears and anxieties aside. I thought: FEAR WON’T DEFINE MY DECADE.12 I could define my decade today, I could die tomorrow, and I’m not going to waste time worrying if I’ve defined it right, because by the time I know, I won’t be a 20-something anymore anyways.
So, all this is to say that when Matt asked me if I wanted to go on a potential overnight fishing trip this past weekend, I said yes.13 If we die, I thought, at least I did something?14 We went out into the Atlantic. There were dolphins, and whales, and no fish, and then there was lightning, so we had to come home, but hey, baby steps, right? So, I guess what I’m trying to get at, is take that fishing trip. I’m pretty happy I took mine.15 Anyways, thanks Meg?
For your enjoyment16, here’s a montage of all the things I ate and the selfies I took while out at sea. I did not touch a single fishing rod, but caught a lot of delicious carbs.
Something SILLY - A comparison between Soylent and your panny outfit rotation
Something SERIOUS - Ok, but we seriously got ripped off by the NYT
Something FUN - Anomia!
Something JUICY - Stone fruit, tomatoes, and cherries oh my! It’s peak farmar season (and everything tastes good in a galette.)
Something SMART - We don’t even have to be that smart to assemble the A-frame cabin of our dreams.
Something MANIC - a thought we had while brainstorming this vol: “do i like the things that i like because i like them, or do i like them because the people i like like them?” Replies encouraged.
please don’t hit unsubscribe, we need your validation now more than ever
my subtle way of asking for views?
Yes, the Pinterest kind
and maybe even pull off
yes, this is now my backdrop
it WILL end and am I even making the most of it right now?
his anxiety was already peaking
according to the math, by the time we’re 25, about 57.7% of said life defining events have already happened...
no wonder we’re all on Lexapro
I think this whole book is reproductive propaganda meant to scare women into premature marriage and pregnancy, but that’s just one opinion.
SUPER chill thing to say to an unemployed 20-something
how cringe worthy is that?!
despite my irrational fear of drowning and of sharknado
How’s that for irrational fears?
No, that is cringe-worthy!
and for making it this far in a somewhat rambly, inconclusive section
here for something MANIC - bc wow
These are so fun. Keen rockin it :)